.Project You

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You…. Wake up every day. Eyes open, chest rising and falling. The thoughts, plans, lists and responsibilities start running through your mind. Your body resists the urge to move, stretch, get out bed. The lights come on, your eyes squint, your breathing patterns get shorter and you start your day. No matter what you do today, you are doing it. The hours pass, the stress levels rise and fall. Emotions come in waves throughout the day. Laughter, joy, calmness, annoyance, hunger, numbness, anger, stress, enjoyment, pride, success, grief, pain, sleepiness. It all affects your mind, your plans, your body. Night falls, your body rests in its place. Your breathing deepens, your day, events, ups and downs, they run through your mind and you try to clear your thoughts. Lights off, phones down, your eyes shut and your thoughts get muted by your desire to rest, you and take a break only to wake up tomorrow to do the same thing.
What is this? What the hell are we doing? Auto pilot is a thing. And this ride called life that I have been a passenger on for 33 years is annoying. The fleeting moments of happiness that triumphed through the dark were moments that I still cling to because the majority of my life has been veiled in pain from these emotions that plague me. I had moments where I took the wheel as much as possible and made “big” changes in my so called daily life. That’s great and all, but where did it get me? To a new city, with a new job, new friends, new experiences, yay me, but still in this body – still breathing, moving, resting, feeling, living……. Without my consent. And I just have to deal with it. What the hell are we really doing here?

Is it a game? Is it for entertainment? Is it a test? We have all heard of dozens of theories, religious insights, beliefs, hopes, patters, scientific evolution to try to explain our significance, but just as I prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate and I think that we should all help our fellow humans no matter who they are or where we are in life, our ideas of why we are here and the direction of our moral compasses are just that, ideas…. Nothing more. They are and were created by the minds we can’t control or understand anyway. So, how do we accept these ideas as steadfast truths? Does anyone really believe any of it anyway? Isn’t everything relative? Or do they just hold onto the thought or belief of it as a form of solace and security to get through this strange stage of life as we know it?

Non conformance to the belief system our society holds firm to doesn’t make us unique or wiser than the average bear…. But I choose to keep my eyes open and my mind flexible to different concepts, ideas and visions of what life is all about. At the same time, as much as I would like to figure it all out – I would also like to enjoy it – while I am here – because I don’t really have a choice or a say in where I am going after this or what happen to me later today…. All I have is this moment, and this moment is mine, and I will embrace it as is and will enjoy it as much as humanly possible.

 

.Not a day less

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From ever to ever leads to forever
Not a day less will do
We spend so much time being there for others
But I will not leave my forever alone
I have finally found my forever home…

From you, I have found that the uncertainties in my life
were only moments in time…
Like a handless clock with numbers,
time is found only in my mind
But forever seems to be so real when it’s with you

My forever exists only between us two
and even though forever is from ever to ever
Not a day less, from you, will do.

For me, you are the one
Truth in love is priceless
But true love always pays a price
Yet, nothing will keep me from loving you

You are the rest, the best and the untold stories of my life
With you I have less time and more forever
Within you I can finally rest.

True love is give and take
It is sacrifice
But there is nothing that can keep me from loving you
Not rain, storm, fire or ice
Within you I have found my forever…
Never again will I be alone
Because within you I have found my forever home.

 

.sometimes

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sometimes we wonder
sometimes we wander
sometimes we stay in one place
often times we worry
often times we scurry
through the days in our current time and space

our hearts do the feeling
our minds do the thinking
our souls doing all and everything in-between
but, who do we follow?
who do we need?
what will we do to succeed?

why do we falter?
why do we second guess?
everything our heart feels…
and the thoughts our mind possess?

what is it that scares us?
what is it that holds us back?
what is it that chokes us so calmly and slow
that we can’t seem to stay on track?

we are like the lone rider
on a trail of our own
no support group to rally
even in our own home

but knowing we don’t need them;
the ones who claim to be but aren’t…
is our key to ultimate growth

fake smiles and fake clapping
they peer over your shoulder
pretending they care
when truly, your suffering is what they thrive on

open all the windows and the let the smoke cascade out
the battle you fight is more than internal
it’s all them without a doubt
be bigger in mind, in spirit and in hope
you have to look beyond
the picture that their words spoke

you are only who you are
not what they make you think
you are only who YOU are
not the Kool aide they made you drink

open your eyes and look closer
they have come between you and your ambition
you are their poster girl with no poster
you are all that they want to be

 

 

 

 

.bass

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Back beat
Still mind
Wandering through the street
Light feet
Flow through my hips
Pulsating through my finger tips
Heavy chest
Mellow soul
The rhythm carries me high
Painted with lyrics
Notes flowing low and deep
The beat moves its way up my body
Through me you can see the notes
The sway. The flow.
What you hear is what I feel

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.love yourself

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I love you. I love me. I love us. I love we.

I have fallen in love with myself – therefore I am free to love you with no boundaries.
Can you say that you love yourself? Every inch of you? Every freckle, dimple, and hair? Do you love yourself beyond the temporary body you reside in? Do you realize just who you are? Not what you have become here, or who they say you are or ought to be… But who YOU are? Because you are me. And you are you. You are the blades of grass. You are the flakes of snow. You are the sun shining bright and the moon with its seducing glow. You are the very things and ones you love. You are divine. And I love you because I love me.

Namaste
*Jane Fox

i am

.reasons for your smile

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An ode to the little boy who changed my life, my little chapulin.

Reasons for your smile

Sunday sun came without warning
I didn’t know just what to do…
When I think of all the places
And spaces when time stood still
All of the faces that I thought I knew…
And then I had you.

All of the magic that I held in my hands
Beauty in its rarest form
It all came true when I had you…
Who could know the reason for your smile
All of the wonders in your mind

Your brightly colored reasons
Surpassing expectations held in time…
Behind your eyes, my mind wandered
Capturing the pictures, living through you

No reason for sadness, no reason for blue
No reasons to fear the dreams in your mind
The keys to this world, you’re destined to find
You sail to the sky, with your head held high
Little boy, divine
How you always shine…

So young and innocent
So beautiful, your mind…
So pure, your wise old heart…
Strong like an ox, smart like an owl, boy you know it all
Teach me how to see like you,
Teach me how to play…
In my heart, is your home, and that is where you’ll stay

 

.am i a paradox?

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I love everyone and everything yet nothing and no one. I love adventure and new challenges but I fear the unknown and I’m hesitant with change. I am focused yet scatter brained. I am predictable in my unpredictability….

I am devoted yet detached. I am tainted yet passionate. I love meeting and being around new people but I love being alone more. I trust no one yet somehow always get hurt for trusting someone in one way or another.

I am optimistic and light spirited but melancholy and negative. I believe in universal connections and beauty beyond recognition in the power and love between the gods and life as we know it, yet I often question the significance or truth behind any and all of it….

I’m happy and I’m sad. I’m ready and I’m not. I crave more, and nothing all at the same time. I seem to know the answers but can’t apply them to my life…. So where do I stand? Where do you stand? Who are we and are we defined by our fears and desires? Are we who we have been or who we will be? Or are we what we are at this very moment? Or are we just dust in the wind?

My favorite song from my childhood pushed me to question everything….

“I close my eyes
Only for a moment, then the moment’s gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind”

https://www.youtube.com/dustinthewind

Maybe we are just dust in the wind, living in this moment only to realize that the moment will only go as far as we want it to go. It will only be what we want it to be – but it takes energy, focus and a desire to make it so……. push forward is what I say to myself, take control and push forward. If we really are dust in the wind, then let us be magnificent pieces of dust that leaves a trail of love where ever it goes.

Namaste!

~Sincerely, a curious, scared, and eager spec of dust