.time

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Time is a funny thing. It keeps me up at night. It speeds me through my day. It stresses me out and I never seem to have enough of it. But what is time, really?

Why does it dictate my life the way I allow it to? Why do I dread looking at the clock only to rush my way through the day? 

I sit and think. And think and think. 

I’ve been told to embrace each moment as if it’s the last. Hoping that tomorrow will make more sense and that life will pan out…. in time. But tomorrow will soon be my yesterday. And my yesterdays are full of hope for tomorrow. Today will soon be yesterday too…. What did I get out of it aside from a muddled memory of running through the rat race of life? Will the moments add up and finally click for me? Or will I continue to work to live and live to work in this rut I call independence? 

I appreciate the small things in life… a child’s smile. The warm windy breeze. The sound of waves crashing. The warmth of my blankets. I appreciate the kind gestures of others. The way my chest sinks when I can make someone else smile. The feeling of a warm embrace. It is those moments that have filled my life with joy. They have outweighed the uncertainties. But I can’t help to question why. Why do the little things mean so much when the negative seems to come in waves of destruction? 

How is it that my stress levels can bring me to my knees in tears yet a simple song can remove the pain? A kiss on my forehead or a hand run through my hair?

The questions keep coming and I have yet to find the answers. Maybe I will in time… but again, what is time? 

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.why are you waiting?

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What makes the world so bright
To the small child inside us all?
The fear and stress we have
Is from being here….
But wanting to be there…
It comes from knowledge, faith and hope
Of a brighter beautiful way…
One that we pray for each and every day

Behind your eyes are answers to it all
But we choose to hide instead of
standing tall…
We choose to hope and then say;
it was never meant to be…
But the truth, you see
Is that YOU never made it be…

Step outside of the walls that contain…
Take a leap of faith
Take what you have and use it
Mold it into new
Be a better, brighter you.

It’s not what you have
It’s what you know…
And if you stop hoping
And start doing…
You will see you’re not alone.

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.only yesterday

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It was only yesterday
That today was just a dream
Plots sketched out in my journal
It was all a scheme…

How today seemed so lovely
Another chance to get it right
But now today seems to be
Another yesterday come night…

Nothing achieved
My plans didn’t succeed
I had the time I wished…
But it all went down the drain

Because today, like yesterday…
I was planning for the next
Missing opportunities…
Scheming out my day…
Making sure it won’t go wrong…
That it will be THE day

My dreams of tomorrow never seem to fade
But as always…
My regrets of yesterday come in every single shade…

Even though tomorrow will soon beĀ in the past…
I hope I find a way to really make it last…
Because the love I have for tomorrow
Is one I’ll never know
Unless I meet the day, greet her well
And simply make her home…

Home for my soul
For the hours that I’m blessed
A chance to make up for yesterday,
A chance to set it right…
To journal all my doings
In a brighter, bolder light