.underneath

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You ask me where I come from. What I’ve done. Where I’ve been. Who I am. 

I could write about my childhood…. growing up in a household with parents who don’t know what love is. With siblings that follow suit. I could tell you about the endless days and nights where I cried alone in a dark room hoping for an end to my own misery; learning the ins and and outs of lies and manipulation. My journey of raising my younger siblings alone and trying to educate them so they have a chance at a decent life…. or how my drive to be better than the life that was set up for me. I taught myself everything I know. I learned what love was by loving and nourishing others. That’s where I come from. 

Where did it lead me? Into the law binding marriage of an emotionally and physically abusive man. Into the home of another shade of ugly that disguised itself in religion and tortured me behind closed doors. I didn’t believe that I deserved better. Not after all I had been through before. 

The next rut was just as ugly with out the exterior bruises as proof. Manipulation and emotional abuse that ripped me to pieces….

You want to hear the struggle? About my endurance and drive? 

You want to know what makes me tick? How I managed my way through life and how the hell I’m probably the happiest person you know?

Well that’s just it… I’m happy. Because I choose to be. I had no reason to be for the first half of my life. I’ve changed my perspective and I’ve embraced life. I’ve walked away from the toxic waste that loomed over me for so long. I’ve built bridges out of trust and communication. I’ve formed relationships out of love. And I’ve learned to love myself. Scars and all. 

This is me. My past is just that. It is not who I am. Or who I have been. It just was. It was a chapter in a book that was burned. One I’ll never open again. One I’ll never revisit. One that lead me to emotional turmoil… and eventually to peace. 

Peace. Such a lovely thought. It seems impossible to some. But the secret to it is acceptance. Acceptance of the ugliness we have all carried at one point in our lives. It’s acceptance of failure but also acceptance of who we truly are. How beautiful we are. How magical we are. Peace is alive. It is an attainable blessing that comes from making a simple choice. 

That my friends, is who I am; I am Peace. Don’t ask me where I come from as if it reflects who I am today. I am who I am today because of who I choose to be each morning. And that is where I come from. I come from the beautiful acceptance of beauty and love each and every morning. And that too, is who you are. 

Namaste 

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.child of mine

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Where’s the heart in me that made the one in you so strong?
I know you’ve got my mind…
And you’ve got my sense of time…
But something skipped from me,
You’re stronger than I could ever be…
You’re a much better version of the me that you see…

Child of mine,
You walk and talk the same way as I
Your eyes, full of mystery, more than what fills the bright night sky…
Child of mine please don’t cry
When I’m not there to wipe your tears…
When I’m not there to shelter you from your fears…

Sweet spirit, know your worth
You are made of stardust and light
A soul so beautiful
A soul so bright…
Know that I am with you
Even when I am not…
Never fear the distance
Never embrace the pain…
Someday soon we will be where we need to be once again.

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.love yourself

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I love you. I love me. I love us. I love we.

I have fallen in love with myself – therefore I am free to love you with no boundaries.
Can you say that you love yourself? Every inch of you? Every freckle, dimple, and hair? Do you love yourself beyond the temporary body you reside in? Do you realize just who you are? Not what you have become here, or who they say you are or ought to be… But who YOU are? Because you are me. And you are you. You are the blades of grass. You are the flakes of snow. You are the sun shining bright and the moon with its seducing glow. You are the very things and ones you love. You are divine. And I love you because I love me.

Namaste
*Jane Fox

i am

.happy by choice

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For a long while I have been aware that happiness is a state of mind. Your mind is something you can control – making happiness a conscious choice. Although our emotions can easily control our mind, our mind can also control our emotions.

It is hard to find peace within ourselves in the midst of our busy lives. I get lost so easily in the lists of tasks that I need to fill every ounce of my spare time with. There have been so many times where I have lost sight of who I am and what I need because I have titled myself with what I do. But…. I am not what I do; where I work, where I shop, or what I have accomplished. None of those things describe me, yet so often I title who I am with those things….

I have been on a spiritual journey for the last decade or so. I have been desperately trying to figure out who I am. What I need. And what brings me peace; It has humbled me, it has had me on my knees begging for guidance, it has thrown me in situations I didn’t know how to get out of, some of them I feared getting out of at all, and they caused me to question absolutely every truth I thought I knew. On the other end of that spectrum it has brought me courage, a thirst for knowledge, unity within myself and with others and an unconditional acceptance of myself and the rest of humanity as one. It has also taught me what love truly is.

Learning how to quiet my mind has been the biggest obstacle for me. But when I finally got it, I really got it. I can sit and zone out the world, I can listen to my soul and what the universe is saying to me as I breathe in my surroundings and breathe out the unrealistic expectations I have upon myself and reality. Understanding that the difference between reality and what I think reality should be has opened up an entire new world for me. The duality and cosmic balance that is always at battle within me gets turned off, or at least paused while I create an open space for my heart and soul to interact with my mind. No filters, no anxiety, no frustrations, no expectations, just quiet…. It has changed me. It has given me a place to go when the uncertainty of reality creeps in a little too strong. It gives me a place to go when I can’t answer questions about myself. I have an open book of answers to every question I have ever had and it is free and easily accessible whenever it is needed. All I have to do is take the time to read it.

As an artist I love to express my inner-self with words and visual art, but I now have this new obstacle I’m struggling with when it comes to this amazing new discovery within myself that I can’t seem express enough. I want to share it with others, but I haven’t found the right way. I can’t find the words to express the complete and purest form of happy that I have ever felt within myself. I can’t find the colors to paint that picture. But what I can express is that your heaven resides within yourself and it is a journey worth sacrificing time for.

I chose to be happy by taking action. I chose to shut out my insecurities and fears. And I have chosen to open my heart, mind and soul to knowledge I never knew existed. I can’t express the enormous amount of joy that it is bringing me. Choose to be happy, loves. Make it a conscious effort and find your path to peace. Close your eyes and listen to where your heart leads you. It is as simple as that.

Namaste
– Jane Fox

 

 

.holidays

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Happy holidays! We say…..

Not always happy, but holidays they are.  The memories and stories I have are endless… Good and bad. Ones that make me laugh. Ones that make me cry. Ones that make me question what in the heavens I was thinking… But the memories stand out on the holidays compared to any other day. Society has created a culture that makes these days more important than the others… And our expectations have embraced that mentality which leads to an increase in depression during the holiday season because those expectations are not being met.
But, each holiday is really just another day. We have to understand that. At least those of us who struggle do.
Many of us have an empty chair at the table, an absence in our hearts and a picture in our minds of how it would be if that person(s) were there. We feel somber when we try to be jolly like everyone else; when we try to ignore the pain that our hearts feel.
If the expectation is dropped perhaps we won’t feel that pain anymore than we would on any other day.
When you miss someone you miss them every day. In everything you do. Because of the love and bond that you share. And that’s okay.
My point is…. Holidays can make you gloomier than normal if you let them. Don’t let them. Its just another day. And your love is still your love. You don’t have to pretend, but breathe easy knowing that it will pass just as any other day and focus on that love that you are feeling instead. Send it to them. They will feel it no matter where they are.

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.struggles

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When I see people struggling through their battles I can’t contain my empathy well. I want to scoop them up and wash away their worries.
I want to love and make those that I love feel loved and respected and cherished. I want them to know that although I can’t wash away their stresses that they can bet their behind that I’ll stand next to them and find a way to get them through. I’ll stand behind them to catch them when they fall. I’ll stand in front of them to take the brunt of the next hit. I’ll be on the ground picking up their broken pieces and the first one to start mending those broken pieces into something beautiful again.  I want them to know that they can trust me. That they can lean on me. And that they can call me home.
Everyone needs a home. And sometimes a home is within someone else, not a physical structure.

I have faith and hope in tomorrow. All I long for is to help others find that light too. Mistakes of the past and short comings are lessons. They don’t label us. Tomorrow is always new day.

-Stand up

My darling your eyes say it all
The world you built beginning to fall
The hope you had is no longer
found in the near tomorrow…
And slowly your smile begins to fade
Your chest rises and falls
Your path is one you’ve made
And so you blame yourself…

But you don’t see what I can see
The beauty within your tears
Full of love and full of strength
Every memory and regret now slides down your cheek

You are not a failure
Your life has just begun
With everyday a new chance
A lifetime of memories in a single glance.
You try to forget, but forget them not!
My Love, find strength in hope
And never lose sight
Of the beautiful fire you carry inside

Through thick and thin
You’ve broken through
Nothing will ever stop you

Shine bright, my star
You are not alone
Shine bright, my moon
You are the writer, it’s time to create your own tune
-Jane Fox ©

.that strong little girl

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There she sat with her mind in the sky
When she looked down the world would pass her by
But when she looked up she always seemed to stumble and fall
No matter how hard or how many times she fell down… That little girl would always get back up a tad bit stronger than before.
Her heart broken often
Her dreams, clothed in disdain
But in her soul she felt the pull
To try and try again
No matter the pain
No matter the fear
That little girl wiped away her tears

And as she picked up the pieces of that shattered little life…. She molded something beautiful that filled her heart with drive.
No fear or fall back
No hate or disdain
Will ever come between that girl and the happiness she is determined to find again.

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