.underneath

Standard

You ask me where I come from. What I’ve done. Where I’ve been. Who I am. 

I could write about my childhood…. growing up in a household with parents who don’t know what love is. With siblings that follow suit. I could tell you about the endless days and nights where I cried alone in a dark room hoping for an end to my own misery; learning the ins and and outs of lies and manipulation. My journey of raising my younger siblings alone and trying to educate them so they have a chance at a decent life…. or how my drive to be better than the life that was set up for me. I taught myself everything I know. I learned what love was by loving and nourishing others. That’s where I come from. 

Where did it lead me? Into the law binding marriage of an emotionally and physically abusive man. Into the home of another shade of ugly that disguised itself in religion and tortured me behind closed doors. I didn’t believe that I deserved better. Not after all I had been through before. 

The next rut was just as ugly with out the exterior bruises as proof. Manipulation and emotional abuse that ripped me to pieces….

You want to hear the struggle? About my endurance and drive? 

You want to know what makes me tick? How I managed my way through life and how the hell I’m probably the happiest person you know?

Well that’s just it… I’m happy. Because I choose to be. I had no reason to be for the first half of my life. I’ve changed my perspective and I’ve embraced life. I’ve walked away from the toxic waste that loomed over me for so long. I’ve built bridges out of trust and communication. I’ve formed relationships out of love. And I’ve learned to love myself. Scars and all. 

This is me. My past is just that. It is not who I am. Or who I have been. It just was. It was a chapter in a book that was burned. One I’ll never open again. One I’ll never revisit. One that lead me to emotional turmoil… and eventually to peace. 

Peace. Such a lovely thought. It seems impossible to some. But the secret to it is acceptance. Acceptance of the ugliness we have all carried at one point in our lives. It’s acceptance of failure but also acceptance of who we truly are. How beautiful we are. How magical we are. Peace is alive. It is an attainable blessing that comes from making a simple choice. 

That my friends, is who I am; I am Peace. Don’t ask me where I come from as if it reflects who I am today. I am who I am today because of who I choose to be each morning. And that is where I come from. I come from the beautiful acceptance of beauty and love each and every morning. And that too, is who you are. 

Namaste 

Advertisements

.the moments when I miss

Standard

Lost moments with loves I never knew…Missing the memories I never got to make…

Day dreaming of moments that I know I’ll never have… Questioning why things were never as they seemed. 

Longing for the person I had envisioned her to be. Missing what I had hoped she’d be but never was.

 How can you miss someone that was never real? 

There are times I wish I had her…..

To call and cry my fears too…..

To embrace and know I’m safe…..

I long for the non-judgmental love that a mother gives her child. For the support and guidance and unwavering compassion….

I long for what I never had. For one I’ve never met. 

I see them on the streets… I see them in the homes of my friends…. in the stores, books and movies….

But I’ve never known one to call my own. 

I long for the mother that I once built in my head. 

I long for the family that was never really real. 

I long. 

I fear I always will. 

.a letter to those who drain light

Standard

A letter to the people I don’t want in my life or near my energy….

Dear you,

This is what I have to say to you…

………………………….(add silence here)

Sincerely,
A human that has moved on and grown without your negativity and lies intruding my life. Live in peace, away from me.

image

.child of mine

Standard

Where’s the heart in me that made the one in you so strong?
I know you’ve got my mind…
And you’ve got my sense of time…
But something skipped from me,
You’re stronger than I could ever be…
You’re a much better version of the me that you see…

Child of mine,
You walk and talk the same way as I
Your eyes, full of mystery, more than what fills the bright night sky…
Child of mine please don’t cry
When I’m not there to wipe your tears…
When I’m not there to shelter you from your fears…

Sweet spirit, know your worth
You are made of stardust and light
A soul so beautiful
A soul so bright…
Know that I am with you
Even when I am not…
Never fear the distance
Never embrace the pain…
Someday soon we will be where we need to be once again.

image

.love yourself

Standard

I love you. I love me. I love us. I love we.

I have fallen in love with myself – therefore I am free to love you with no boundaries.
Can you say that you love yourself? Every inch of you? Every freckle, dimple, and hair? Do you love yourself beyond the temporary body you reside in? Do you realize just who you are? Not what you have become here, or who they say you are or ought to be… But who YOU are? Because you are me. And you are you. You are the blades of grass. You are the flakes of snow. You are the sun shining bright and the moon with its seducing glow. You are the very things and ones you love. You are divine. And I love you because I love me.

Namaste
*Jane Fox

i am

.happy by choice

Standard

For a long while I have been aware that happiness is a state of mind. Your mind is something you can control – making happiness a conscious choice. Although our emotions can easily control our mind, our mind can also control our emotions.

It is hard to find peace within ourselves in the midst of our busy lives. I get lost so easily in the lists of tasks that I need to fill every ounce of my spare time with. There have been so many times where I have lost sight of who I am and what I need because I have titled myself with what I do. But…. I am not what I do; where I work, where I shop, or what I have accomplished. None of those things describe me, yet so often I title who I am with those things….

I have been on a spiritual journey for the last decade or so. I have been desperately trying to figure out who I am. What I need. And what brings me peace; It has humbled me, it has had me on my knees begging for guidance, it has thrown me in situations I didn’t know how to get out of, some of them I feared getting out of at all, and they caused me to question absolutely every truth I thought I knew. On the other end of that spectrum it has brought me courage, a thirst for knowledge, unity within myself and with others and an unconditional acceptance of myself and the rest of humanity as one. It has also taught me what love truly is.

Learning how to quiet my mind has been the biggest obstacle for me. But when I finally got it, I really got it. I can sit and zone out the world, I can listen to my soul and what the universe is saying to me as I breathe in my surroundings and breathe out the unrealistic expectations I have upon myself and reality. Understanding that the difference between reality and what I think reality should be has opened up an entire new world for me. The duality and cosmic balance that is always at battle within me gets turned off, or at least paused while I create an open space for my heart and soul to interact with my mind. No filters, no anxiety, no frustrations, no expectations, just quiet…. It has changed me. It has given me a place to go when the uncertainty of reality creeps in a little too strong. It gives me a place to go when I can’t answer questions about myself. I have an open book of answers to every question I have ever had and it is free and easily accessible whenever it is needed. All I have to do is take the time to read it.

As an artist I love to express my inner-self with words and visual art, but I now have this new obstacle I’m struggling with when it comes to this amazing new discovery within myself that I can’t seem express enough. I want to share it with others, but I haven’t found the right way. I can’t find the words to express the complete and purest form of happy that I have ever felt within myself. I can’t find the colors to paint that picture. But what I can express is that your heaven resides within yourself and it is a journey worth sacrificing time for.

I chose to be happy by taking action. I chose to shut out my insecurities and fears. And I have chosen to open my heart, mind and soul to knowledge I never knew existed. I can’t express the enormous amount of joy that it is bringing me. Choose to be happy, loves. Make it a conscious effort and find your path to peace. Close your eyes and listen to where your heart leads you. It is as simple as that.

Namaste
– Jane Fox

 

 

.sweetpea

Standard

Sweet pea
Apple of my eye
The things you do to me
Make my heart sigh
Darling dear
Don’t you dare cry
We might not have a lot
But we do have time

Throughout the many years
No matter where we have been
The two of us…
Have been beyond best of friends

From here; where we go…
It’s up to you and me
From here; where we go…
It’s our soul’s destiny

image