Love, I have found you. You are everything I thought you could never be. You are everything I never thought I would have. Love, dance with me. Live in color and grow like the beautiful flowers that surround us; against all odds I found you. All will be right, dancing like water with the light. You are all I ever dreamed you to be.
From ever to ever leads to forever
Not a day less will do
We spend so much time being there for others
But I will not leave my forever alone
I have finally found my forever home…
From you, I have found that the uncertainties in my life
were only moments in time…
Like a handless clock with numbers,
time is found only in my mind
But forever seems to be so real when it’s with you
My forever exists only between us two
and even though forever is from ever to ever
Not a day less, from you, will do.
For me, you are the one
Truth in love is priceless
But true love always pays a price
Yet, nothing will keep me from loving you
You are the rest, the best and the untold stories of my life
With you I have less time and more forever
Within you I can finally rest.
True love is give and take
It is sacrifice
But there is nothing that can keep me from loving you
Not rain, storm, fire or ice
Within you I have found my forever…
Never again will I be alone
Because within you I have found my forever home.
“There are places I’ll remember…
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain…
All these places have their moments…
With lovers and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I’ve loved them all…
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.”
These lyrics have always touched my heart. They ring true now more than ever. Love is a beautiful gift. I’ll never understand how the human heart works… but the love I have for myself and for my tribe, it’s all I need. And it keeps me going. It gives me a reason to open my eyes in the morning. It gives me a reason to inhale the world around me and absorb the enormous amounts of life and peace that fill my soul. I’m blessed. I’m happy. I’m grateful. For once. In my life, I now know why it all happened the way it did. I now see where I’m going. And I now can enjoy the ride. This love…. is something new.
In my life…. I love you more ❤
You once told me that you no longer recognized me…
Distaste spilled from your mouth as if this was a truth I should somehow have found shame in. But I knew better. Finally, I knew better.
For you see, I am still me. It’s just that when we were together I was made a little more of “sorries” than I was of myself.
I was little more doormat than backbone and I was little more a weed in your garden of self proclaimed Eden than I was a beautiful, blooming wildflower.
You said that I changed…. that I was no longer a person you once considered loving. Words designed to cut me to the ground beneath your feet; where you kept me so neatly trimmed for all those years, instead it fell as sweet liberation upon my ears.
You were right. I was no longer the same reflection you once threw your scraps of love at. But not because I am someone else now. No. Because I finally became the me I too long let wither in your ego’s shadow. Because finally I stepped into the light and let myself bloom. I am me. I always was me. But finally, I am now JUST me.
Lost moments with loves I never knew…Missing the memories I never got to make…
Day dreaming of moments that I know I’ll never have… Questioning why things were never as they seemed.
Longing for the person I had envisioned her to be. Missing what I had hoped she’d be but never was.
How can you miss someone that was never real?
There are times I wish I had her…..
To call and cry my fears too…..
To embrace and know I’m safe…..
I long for the non-judgmental love that a mother gives her child. For the support and guidance and unwavering compassion….
I long for what I never had. For one I’ve never met.
I see them on the streets… I see them in the homes of my friends…. in the stores, books and movies….
But I’ve never known one to call my own.
I long for the mother that I once built in my head.
I long for the family that was never really real.
I fear I always will.
Lost in my mind with a million thoughts surfacing… one after another. The maybes. The what ifs. The whys. The why nots. Memories of beauty. Of pure bliss. Memories of sadness and gut wrenching pain. They bring back emotions that seem to be reborn; even for just a moment or two, they become alive again. Some memories have faded and some disappear all together until they reinvent themselves in what seems to be a dejavu but is really just a lost memory that was buried to get through.
It’s these kinds of days…. those kinds of days that my words can’t explain. My tears can’t wash away. And my heart can’t understand.
It’s these kinds of days…. those kinds of days…. that drape my soul with the heaviness that I once carried morning and night. The cloth that once veiled my interpretation of life has come back to remind me of who I was and who I’ve been. Where I’ve been and what I’ve seen.
Even though they still reside deep within me… and surface every now and then. I don’t run from them anymore. I don’t hide. I just sit. I sit and let it say what it has to say. I let it convey whatever it needs to convey. I sit and I welcome it. I nurture it and embrace it. And then I let it go. I release the pain and the sadness of memories that were never made. I release the loss of all I had hoped to have.
Once the cloak is lifted, once I have rebalanced my inner self: I open my eyes back to my reality…. back to the me I now know…. and I reflect. And I disect. And I push myself to move. Knowing…. understanding…. that I am love. And I will never face anything that my heart can’t withstand. That it will be okay. That I will be okay. That I am okay.
It’s days like these…. days like those…. that the world around me doesn’t exist.