.Project You

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You…. Wake up every day. Eyes open, chest rising and falling. The thoughts, plans, lists and responsibilities start running through your mind. Your body resists the urge to move, stretch, get out bed. The lights come on, your eyes squint, your breathing patterns get shorter and you start your day. No matter what you do today, you are doing it. The hours pass, the stress levels rise and fall. Emotions come in waves throughout the day. Laughter, joy, calmness, annoyance, hunger, numbness, anger, stress, enjoyment, pride, success, grief, pain, sleepiness. It all affects your mind, your plans, your body. Night falls, your body rests in its place. Your breathing deepens, your day, events, ups and downs, they run through your mind and you try to clear your thoughts. Lights off, phones down, your eyes shut and your thoughts get muted by your desire to rest, you and take a break only to wake up tomorrow to do the same thing.
What is this? What the hell are we doing? Auto pilot is a thing. And this ride called life that I have been a passenger on for 33 years is annoying. The fleeting moments of happiness that triumphed through the dark were moments that I still cling to because the majority of my life has been veiled in pain from these emotions that plague me. I had moments where I took the wheel as much as possible and made “big” changes in my so called daily life. That’s great and all, but where did it get me? To a new city, with a new job, new friends, new experiences, yay me, but still in this body – still breathing, moving, resting, feeling, living……. Without my consent. And I just have to deal with it. What the hell are we really doing here?

Is it a game? Is it for entertainment? Is it a test? We have all heard of dozens of theories, religious insights, beliefs, hopes, patters, scientific evolution to try to explain our significance, but just as I prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate and I think that we should all help our fellow humans no matter who they are or where we are in life, our ideas of why we are here and the direction of our moral compasses are just that, ideas…. Nothing more. They are and were created by the minds we can’t control or understand anyway. So, how do we accept these ideas as steadfast truths? Does anyone really believe any of it anyway? Isn’t everything relative? Or do they just hold onto the thought or belief of it as a form of solace and security to get through this strange stage of life as we know it?

Non conformance to the belief system our society holds firm to doesn’t make us unique or wiser than the average bear…. But I choose to keep my eyes open and my mind flexible to different concepts, ideas and visions of what life is all about. At the same time, as much as I would like to figure it all out – I would also like to enjoy it – while I am here – because I don’t really have a choice or a say in where I am going after this or what happen to me later today…. All I have is this moment, and this moment is mine, and I will embrace it as is and will enjoy it as much as humanly possible.

 

.grateful

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As I sit back with the sun rays warming me, the birds chirping as they pass me by, the wind twirling through my hair…. I say thank you.
Thank you to the gods. Thank you to my family. Thank you to the souls who pushed me through my life to get me to this place.
It hasn’t all been fun, or exciting, but it has BEEN because it had to be.
And so I sit here and go down the list of things I’m grateful for I can’t help but smile. The good and the bad.

The beautiful souls that stood by my side even when I was at my worst, when I wasn’t very easy to stand by, the souls who showed me love, unconditionally. They, and one in particular, showed me how to love myself even when I couldn’t stand the sound of my own name….
Thank god for them, for him.
Because I’m here now and the birds sing their songs for me. The wind guides me to the sky, the love fills my soul and now I feel like I can fly.

Everything has a reason, everything has a purpose, everything plays it’s part in the big beautiful plan.

All the small things add up. And they all build up to now. Not tomorrow or next year when you assume things will fall into place. They build up for right now. Right now.

Step back and look at the world around you. Look at your fingers and your toes, realize the miracles you act out every single day. YOU are the plan. YOU are the reason. WE are all in this together as extensions of the universe. All playing our own role.

Breathe in this life and don’t let a moment of it go to waste.
Namaste!

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