.when I say I love you

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When I say I love you
What do you hear?
When I say I love you
Do you think it is sincere?
When I say I love you
Do you realize what that means?

When I say I love you
It means I hold you dear
It means I’ve torn down a wall
I’ve let my boundaries fall…
When I say I love you
I’ve given a portion of myself
I’ve decided to trust in you…
When I say I love you
I need and want you to hear;

That my heart has scars
From the battles I’ve endured
That my soul has ached
And I don’t always know the
right words to say
But I love so deeply
And I love so sure
And when I say I love you
My love is deep and pure.

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.grateful

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As I sit back with the sun rays warming me, the birds chirping as they pass me by, the wind twirling through my hair…. I say thank you.
Thank you to the gods. Thank you to my family. Thank you to the souls who pushed me through my life to get me to this place.
It hasn’t all been fun, or exciting, but it has BEEN because it had to be.
And so I sit here and go down the list of things I’m grateful for I can’t help but smile. The good and the bad.

The beautiful souls that stood by my side even when I was at my worst, when I wasn’t very easy to stand by, the souls who showed me love, unconditionally. They, and one in particular, showed me how to love myself even when I couldn’t stand the sound of my own name….
Thank god for them, for him.
Because I’m here now and the birds sing their songs for me. The wind guides me to the sky, the love fills my soul and now I feel like I can fly.

Everything has a reason, everything has a purpose, everything plays it’s part in the big beautiful plan.

All the small things add up. And they all build up to now. Not tomorrow or next year when you assume things will fall into place. They build up for right now. Right now.

Step back and look at the world around you. Look at your fingers and your toes, realize the miracles you act out every single day. YOU are the plan. YOU are the reason. WE are all in this together as extensions of the universe. All playing our own role.

Breathe in this life and don’t let a moment of it go to waste.
Namaste!

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.in my mind

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Sometimes I forget that my world is my own. I forget that others, no matter how many times or different ways I explain it can’t see or understand what my mind sees or feels.

It’s a reality I have to accept because my reality is only my own. My memories, emotions and understandings all come from my own life experiences that are then veiled in my personality and character. How could anyone else possibly see things the way I do?

The best I can do is be as honest and open as possible. To be raw and real. And most importantly be understanding and conscientious of this reality.
It’s also a truth that I have to realize and accept as I try to understand another person’s reality. No matter how many times they explain it or how many different ways they paint their picture it is their reality. And so, just as I yearn to have my reality accepted I need to embrace theirs.
A lesson learned through trial and error and one that I continue to work on daily.

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.in my life

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I listen to the words of one of my favorite songs by the Beatles, In My Life, and it breaks my heart.

I love people. I’ve loved some more than others. And I’ve loved one more than anything… I’ve trusted and been let down. I’ve worn the rose colored glasses and practically worshiped the man I love.
I love my children with a love that rips me apart each time I think of them.

I love my friends, who have have become my family. And I love them with every ounce of love I have left.

I’ve loved myself and tried to stay true to who I am but often, I lose track of that and love my people more.

I love. I am love. I share love. Yet love consumes me and often ends up hurting me more than I can handle…

I’ve lost a lot. And I appreciate the experiences that love has brought. But I can’t justify the pain that comes when that love is not reciprocated or when it gets torn away from me.

I’m in between, as I can’t control who I love. But I’m tired of getting hurt. And I’m sorry if I take it out on you as I search for balance.

To all whom I love, to all who I ever loved… I love you truly and unconditionally and I always will.

in my lifeĀ *click here to listen