.the moments when I miss

Standard

Lost moments with loves I never knew…Missing the memories I never got to make…

Day dreaming of moments that I know I’ll never have… Questioning why things were never as they seemed. 

Longing for the person I had envisioned her to be. Missing what I had hoped she’d be but never was.

 How can you miss someone that was never real? 

There are times I wish I had her…..

To call and cry my fears too…..

To embrace and know I’m safe…..

I long for the non-judgmental love that a mother gives her child. For the support and guidance and unwavering compassion….

I long for what I never had. For one I’ve never met. 

I see them on the streets… I see them in the homes of my friends…. in the stores, books and movies….

But I’ve never known one to call my own. 

I long for the mother that I once built in my head. 

I long for the family that was never really real. 

I long. 

I fear I always will. 

Advertisements

.baby blues

Standard

Your mouth is moving

But your eyes say so much more

I’m hearing words

But they fall right to the floor

It doesn’t take much to see through your facade

Your smile is sweet

But your touch feels odd

I pray that you don’t feel the need

To mask your insecurities from the one that you see

I’m standing here with my guard down

Inviting you to stay and lay…

Everything out

Just open up

And be true To you

Baby, let’s play the blues

Of our stories and fears

Our failures and tears

It’s okay to be scared

But don’t you even dare…

To think that I will judge

Or be harsh or unfair

Let me in baby

Let me see who you are

Where you’ve been is part of you

A part that I want to share

Let’s sing the blues, baby

Just you and me

Let’s sing the blues, baby

Let’s set ourselves free

image

.the f word

Standard

FORGIVENESS.
To forgive someone else is almost as hard as rewinding your life and starting over. In other words it’s nearly impossible unless you understand what forgiveness really is.
There is no universal route to forgiveness. There is no instruction packet that you can whip out when you’ve forgotten how.
But choosing to forgive is an endeavor that you need to be prepared for.
If you have to forgive, it goes without saying that you’ve been hurt. Either intentionally or not, you are making a conscious decision to let the love of both yourself and the offending party outweigh the pain.
Forgiveness doesn’t wipe away the pain or the memories but it allows space for understanding and acceptance of whatever has transpired.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

If it could have been…. It would have been.
Once you make that choice, you now have to realize that your forgiveness goes beyond the other party. You have to forgive yourself as well.

Letting go of that pain that’s associated with the what ifs and why me tangents that our tangled minds construe will allow your heart to be present in the moment and absorb the reasons you choose to forgive in the first place.

Love will overcome anything and everything. Love will always find a way. Whether it be for a friend, family member, a partner, yourself or even a stranger…. Take a leap of faith and choose to be present. If you want love, let go of the past.
Let love rule.

image

.never had i

Standard

Never had I, a mother to guide me
Never had I, a father to teach me
Never had I, the support to grow

Alone in a battle
Fighting one’s own…
Confused at the findings
Discovering I have no home

Courage to build
What I can with what I have
But a scared little heart
Was driving me mad

An optimist mind
In this dark twisted place…
A golden rose
Upon the warm mantle place

I’m waiting for the moment
For the peace to find my soul…
A child forced to grow up
A twisted journey she travelled alone…

She was so young
When all was stripped
But she’s chosen to forgive
All they did and did not do
She’s ready to invest in something bright…
In something brand new. -Jane Fox

image