.then to now

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Going through the words, poems, stories and memories that I have recorded on paper over the past few  years can make my heart tremble at times. The pain that drenched so many of my days still lingers silently in the background of my mind.

Inside of me:

Every moment, every day
navigating through; trying to find my way…
lonely sidewalks calling,
they all know my name
drenched in sorrow, sadness and
a tangled unnamed shame…
Every thought I process
another turn in this lonely game.

My words were so heavy with sadness, confusion and pain…. I remember looking at myself in the mirror not recognizing who I was behind the fake smiles that I wore most every day. 

Reflecting on those words makes me that much more grateful for where I am today… As impossible as it once seemed, I have found the light at the end of my tunnel and have made peace with my past and my pains. My journey is far from over and I’m sure there will be more hurdles…. But my heart no longer hurts as it did before. My soul no longer longs for anything more. It took years, it took patience, it took strength and it took more soul searching than I could have ever imagined, but after a long battle of confusion within myself, I found light.I found peace. And I am finally free.

Now, on to my next journey…


 

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.that strong little girl

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There she sat with her mind in the sky
When she looked down the world would pass her by
But when she looked up she always seemed to stumble and fall
No matter how hard or how many times she fell down… That little girl would always get back up a tad bit stronger than before.
Her heart broken often
Her dreams, clothed in disdain
But in her soul she felt the pull
To try and try again
No matter the pain
No matter the fear
That little girl wiped away her tears

And as she picked up the pieces of that shattered little life…. She molded something beautiful that filled her heart with drive.
No fear or fall back
No hate or disdain
Will ever come between that girl and the happiness she is determined to find again.

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