.i’ve learned how to forgive

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I had a personal achievement a few weeks back. One that I had been working on/through for months, if not years. I understood the feeling but I couldn’t grasp the concept nor put it to words….. Until last week that is… A dear friend of mine asked me to elaborate on the subject… So here goes.

My life, like most anyone’s life, has been full of ups and downs. Some of my downs have been a lot deeper than most, but I always found my way out and back up to where I needed to be. Surviving conflict though, whether within yourself or with someone else is not the same as finding peace within it, OR the same as healing… I don’t like to survive life… As one said before “We all die at one point anyway, so what’s the big deal about being a survivor?” Well, that question resonated with me. And I started looking for the answer. Because surviving isn’t peaceful, it isn’t happy, it isn’t inspirational and it isn’t a mindset to be grateful in either. You can’t grow from survival, you can’t learn from survival, you just survive. So once you have survived whatever it is that you have gone through you need to forgive. Ah, yes, forgive. Such an easy task, right? I’m sure you sense my sarcastic undertone…¬† But in all seriousness, forgiveness is truly the key to personal growth and ultimately inner peace.

Chew on that for a minute……

Now, forgiving someone (including yourself) isn’t a one and done kind of thing. You can’t force it. You can’t fake it. And you definitely can’t go without it. The question now is how to forgive. And here is where my epiphany came to play.

You can’t bundle forgiveness.
You have to compartmentalize it. You have to choose forgiveness every day. Sometimes multiple times in one day. This goes for self forgiveness as well as for others. Allow yourself time and space to heal by accepting, understanding and letting go of the pain for individual hurts. Don’t bundle them up into one blanket of forgiveness. It doesn’t work that way. You’ll continue to fall back into the same dance over and over if you do. Take the time to address each hurt…. And learn to forgive them on their own

Does that resonate with you? It does with me. I realized I can’t just forgive someone for everything they did just because I want to let it all go. I have to go through the list and understand why I forgive each thing that happened or that transpired individually because they all had lasting¬†effects that trickled their way into my NOW. Thus allowing me to let go of the pains that relate and are attached to those memories or hurts. It takes time, effort, patience and for me, a lot of tears…. But as I work my way through my forgiveness I feel an enormous amount of peace. I feel confident in my decision and confident in my emotion that now correlates to that memory/event of forgiveness.

When you see me smiling…. I am truly smiling, it is not a vail or a mask like it used to be. With patience, perseverance and a passionate desire for wellbeing and personal growth I have been able to over come what I never thought I would.

Forgive

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.responsibility

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Blaming anyone or anything for the things that transpire in your life is a sure way to slow any kind of healing or growing both emotionally and spiritually.

BLAME gives you a reason to excuse yourself from the responsibility of the ups and downs of your life.
Not everything that has happened to you or around you is within your control but your reaction to it is. BLAME is not the answer. It takes up space in your heart and soul. Space that could and should be used to practice acceptance, understanding, empathy and most importantly forgiveness.

Peace comes when we let go of blame. When we let go of ego and pride. When we accept the past as part of our lives, not as who we are. This is how we heal.

Make room for peace by letting go of the negative. Forgive. Accept. Learn. Grow. And love.

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.the f word

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FORGIVENESS.
To forgive someone else is almost as hard as rewinding your life and starting over. In other words it’s nearly impossible unless you understand what forgiveness really is.
There is no universal route to forgiveness. There is no instruction packet that you can whip out when you’ve forgotten how.
But choosing to forgive is an endeavor that you need to be prepared for.
If you have to forgive, it goes without saying that you’ve been hurt. Either intentionally or not, you are making a conscious decision to let the love of both yourself and the offending party outweigh the pain.
Forgiveness doesn’t wipe away the pain or the memories but it allows space for understanding and acceptance of whatever has transpired.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

If it could have been…. It would have been.
Once you make that choice, you now have to realize that your forgiveness goes beyond the other party. You have to forgive yourself as well.

Letting go of that pain that’s associated with the what ifs and why me tangents that our tangled minds construe will allow your heart to be present in the moment and absorb the reasons you choose to forgive in the first place.

Love will overcome anything and everything. Love will always find a way. Whether it be for a friend, family member, a partner, yourself or even a stranger…. Take a leap of faith and choose to be present. If you want love, let go of the past.
Let love rule.

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